One thing that has been taking up my time lately is fat activism and body acceptance. I think it was imperative that I start researching this because my self esteem and self efficacy was so wrapped up in my skinny body that I obviously could no longer keep.
As you saw through past blogs, I was working out and counting calories, and still comparing myself to the ideal...and wondering why people could not just accept women of all sizes. Silently, while yelling that my body was Ok, I was still wanting to be thinner...thus the dieting and working out.
Why? Why was this my wish? Was it really MY wish at all? Or was it the inner voice that builds up via advertising and the people I associate with? (Ragen discusses this today on her blog "Dances With Fat ") Boyfriend, though a very good man, has no idea in his infinite skinniness, asks "Why get chubby?" sigh. That I will discuss later (why).
A comment today on Facebook...."I am baffled by people who think there is a wrong way to have a body"
I want to be more like my beautiful sister and niece...who don't think there is a wrong way to have a body. Who don't look at others, perhaps their skinny siblings or aunts, and think "I should look more like her". Who don't worry about love or affection or acceptance based on body size.
I am getting closer to that..Most days I know I am beautiful..some days are ruined by outside comments that I stupidly take internally.