I've been sick this weekend- with an inner ear infection- the world is spinning and I might fall off. Apparently, these things happen about 2 weeks after you get a cold- and I was blessed enough to be given a cold from an annoying hacking woman on the plane behind me as I flew to my mom's.
But as I lay in bed, I realized I felt like crap for other reasons. I hit my weight limit. I am not longer OK where I am. I've decided I need to take it off.
I've been trying something this year- I've been trying not to diet- I have been watching my weight most of my life. Dieting and gaining every 6 months to a year or so. I have a fairly decent taste in foods- I like veggies and salads and low fat stuff, but I'm not always the chef, am I? I've been trying to accept my weight and who I am- and really like myself for both, without a thought to changing myself. I've been trying to be happy just being. And it's worked OK- I don't mind looking in the mirror, I don't pick on my parts anymore- and the curves are nice. But...
I stepped on the scale this morning- and I did a quick BMI check- if I gain any more weight I'd be in the obese section, not just overweight. In the last two years, I've gained 30 pounds! That's bad. It can't help my hurt ankle, sore body, or energy level either. It might be why I am feeling yucky, am getting sick, and am exhausted. And (here's the TMI- I've had my period twice in the last 28 days- on the 24th of december and then the 10th of January- now it's lasted over a week). Weight might affect my immune system, hormones, and attitude.
So, portion control and I do not really get along. My dear friend Tricia and I were discussing that today- we both are members of the clean plate club, especially if the plate is full of deliciousness, and even if the plate refills itself. Phentermine (the speed and non-heart killing part of phen-fen) and I kinda got along. I zipped through three months on it and lost 90 pounds. Problem is that I lost weight so fast I then got gallstones and needed my gallbladder out (no gall bladder=issues with fat=weight gain). I've tried phen again and it made me feel woofy- my mom knows what I mean (woofy- a little off, lightheaded, weird). I've already tried to switch us to lower fat meat and have added veggies to my meals. I made french dips the other day and when I cooled the broth, the meat yielded a very tiny bit of fat (less than a tsp) and I threw it out. I make lunch at about a cup of leftovers and add a cup of veggies to the top.
and I've gotta stop having beer at night. One maybe, or one glass of wine- but one usually leads to three.
Tomorrow I am gonna try slimfast. Just to get me started. Shrink my stomach so I can eat less. And I am walking to the store to buy the crap. After that, I'll just have to rethink my meals and suck, because I can't live on shakes forever.
By summer, I should feel a bit younger- which is good because I'll be working with a dozen hyper kids for two weeks and I wanna play with them!