Tally- ho

Here's a tally to yesterday's blogpost, and an interesting psychological excursion.
Number of people that commented on my blog verbally or written- 14
Number of people that agreed- 12
Number of women- 12
Number of men-2
Number who actually read the whole thing- maybe 13, but not 14

Boyfriend and other man wanted to play devil's advocate.  Other man was hung up on the fact that I used the word spoiled before rich- and I'm calling you out, other man! He was also the one that didn't read the whole post.  He argued that people have the right to choose what they spend their money on, and that we look for aesthetics everywhere, so why not in our own bodies?
Boyfriend wanted to argue that society does not dictate skinny and big boobs.  He also wanted to know if I was upset about plastic surgery because of the dangers of it- and why I thought it was OK to dye my hair and get tattoos...?

Is it because they are male?  Is it because I can't properly explain myself?  Is it me making a big deal out of something that's not? am I a hypocrite?

Oh- apparently lesbianism is cool if you are sexy too.- Is this not dictating a male's idea of perfection?

I am at loss for words.  I thought what I said yesterday was worthy of winning a debate.  Do I need figures to back up my statements?  Was the 7 million people with an eating disorder not enough?  Or the number of people who feel the need to cut into themselves to fit some mold?

I can't say this hasn't been going on forever- I was gonna argue that before plastic surgery, women didn't feel the need to morph themselves- but they did.  Corsets, girdles, makeup, the tapeworm diet, binding feet or boobs- all fit into this category.  Dying hair probably does as well.  So maybe I should go without makeup and hairdye to prove I am really serious about this subject.  Maybe I shouldn't shave either.

I was upset at both men.  I still am.  Aesthetics is subjective.  It is also forced on society in subtle forms of brainwashing.  Thus, the corset, the roaring twenties with small boobs, asians getting eyelid surgery, and breast implants.  Why do you think advertising works so well?  we all brain wash easily.

I told boyfriend that he'd pick the above picture over my current body if he had the choice.  He didn't argue or agree.  That's one reason I'm pissed.  I like boyfriend as he is.  I don't want to change him to have abs like "the situation" or shoulders like that werewolf boy.  I think all his body traits are part of his wonderful package. I really wish all men thought the same way about women.

So, what do you think?  really?  I feel that tattoos are like decorating myself- maybe even hair dye and makeup are the same way.  I can paint my room without changing the architecture of a house.  I can trim the hedges and not change the structure.  There- that's my arguement.  That's my issue.

God, Goddess, Frank Lloyd Wright- all had excellent architectural intelligence.  I should appreciate that.

of course- this doesn't cover the weight issue I discussed- but I like the way my friend Janet said it "my point is that until we can look within ourselves and see that we are amazingly created and awesome just how we are including our flaws, no amount of surgery, denial of life's pleasures, obsession over exercise or any other exercise in the name of aesthetics will ever make us feel whole or beautiful. We are all deserving of love and acceptance despite our hangups, flaws, worries and even the things we are confident of. Oh sure it is easy to look at a stunningly beautiful person, feel envious and think hateful thoughts about what they may or may not do to achieve their beauty, they deserve to feel loved and adored for who they are despite their outer shell as well. When it comes right down to it.. we are all the same on the inside under our skin... just some of us are more marbled than others"

I'll just keep eating fairly healthy, keep walking my dog, and keep reminding myself that I am beautiful the way I am- you all told me that :)

Warning: I'm wearing very little- Lunes Lunacy 3

I hate America's obsession with looks.  OK- I know it's probably not just America- but I'm living in California- near Hollywood, but closer to where spoiled rich people can waste their money on liposuction and boob jobs- so I get bombarded with false images of perfection everywhere.  Do you know how many plastic surgery ads are on billboards in my town?  too freaking many.

Most days I love myself.  I stopped watching stupid shows about plastic surgery because I realized they made me doubt my looks (I stopped when the woman had her labia reduced and matched up- because apparently they were different sized and it affected her sex life emotionally). 

Dr.Surgeon General or whoever tells me what I am supposed to weigh doesn't love me though.  I just checked my BMI.  It's 27%- overweight.  I'd have to lose about 20 pounds to be at 24% healthy range.  Yeah- at twenty pounds (about a stone and a half) weight loss I'd be 150 pounds- thats 11 stones about.  That's a decent weight for me- but not an easy one for me to keep.  I've been about 170 forever now.  There are months or even years I lose weight and get to 140.  Then creep up again.  I lost weight with phentermine and got a gall stone in 1996 and hit 97 pounds before gall stone surgery.  It took a while to creep up from there but I was a vegetarian and not drinking alcohol then.  I lost weight again a few times after that.  I did this prior to starting my BA college- so that was 2006 ish, then again in 2007 and right after my separation from the EX I dropped a lot of weight- that was almost 2 years ago, so I have creeped back up.  I'm not bad- here's pictures-

The boobs look better when not in a uniboob bra- and the legs are longer when the picture isn't taken at an odd angle- but that's me.  Lumps and all.  Not perfection- but not bad.  I think I get my figure from my grandma in her early days, and my paternal Nanna who wasn't a small lady- I do not have my mom's tall lean figure and excellent eating habits.

I think with a little makeup and the proper accoutraments, we could both look like supermodels of yesterday:

See?  check out grandma-

I bought an extremely cute bathing suit similar to these I plan to wear this weekend- I'll see if I can get pictures. 

Anyway?  what's my gripe?  I'm not complaining about the BMI Index- it might be very accurate at determining health.  I might be overweight a tad.  whatever.  I do have to complain about people, and some of those people are in my life, who mix up weight with health- there's a correlation, but they are not the same thing.  Just like working out vigorously is not a direct correlation to health (think Florence Joyner- runner who died of a heart attack).  I do agree with moderate excercise for the mind and body- but I maintain stress is a bigger killer than being a bit chunky.  And stress is caused by lots of things- including having a need to be perfect or reaching some unattainable goal of perfection, so don't force your body image issues on me.  I also think stress reduction can take the form of a good relaxing dinner with wine.  So I don't plan on limiting that too much.

Here is my monday gripe:

This woman hosts a show called "Thintervention".  I can almost guarentee that her body fat index is way below the healthy 18%.  And she's now in charge of making fat people healthy?  Or is it making fat people skinny?  remember: Skiiny does not equal healthy.  Say that with me: Skinny does not equal healthy.  I realize that 72 million americans are OBESE. That's 31% of our population here. 

And I realize that these women are endangering their health.  But there is a big difference between them and me.  And I'm betting there is a big difference between food choices and exercise.  I can't imagine being this weight- but their weight still DOES NOT DEFINE THEM.

Did you know that in the US 300,000 women a year get a boob job?  7% of them have Body dysmorphic disorder and will never be happy with themselves- (Heidi whats'ername?).  It's about $5000 for a boobjob- I can sure think of a few trips that would be more fullfilling than fat in my bra and a good time for boyfriend.

8 million Americans have an eating disorder. 7 million of them are women.  Why is that?  why is the cosmetic surgey business booming?  why do we allow images in the media to dictate what we feel is perfection? I'm trying to break that cycle- I argue with boyfriend about this, but I just don't think he gets it- neither does boyfriend's dad (who add bacon grease to the greenbeans then comments on my butt size).   Just shut up about my weight and health.  I am a big girl.  I got it handled, whether I choose to battle the weight or not.  I have already bettered my eating habits- that's what I deem important.  ah- I digress-

this is not perfection:

Out of these women, which ones are more attractive?

We buy thats craptastic magazine with issues about celebrity body fat because we are all secretly thrilled the battle the same issue we have- and people still think them beautiful.  See how lumpy my thighs are?  Craptastic magazine would tsktsk me- those thighs are lumpy at 100 pounds too people- though thighs have excess skin that sags.  Whatever.  Those thighs carry me from point a to point b.  They are soft enough to snuggle in.  They fill out a skirt.  I'm not pulling them up and hemming them like some old fabric to please you.  Deal with it. I have and I have decided that I love myself and like myself this way- jiggles, bumps, and all.

Holiday gifts

I can't tell you what I am making- but I can show you what it'll be made with :

How to make this bubble paper is on this website.

Randomness

I had planned to post about random things anyway- but Yoli at Creative Flair cemented the deal by posting a McLinky for the Random blog post.  So here are today's thoughts and plans of randomness:

I was looking for links for ATC swaps- (I posted a link on yesterday's blog comments about what an ATC is- but I'll 'splain again: an ATC is a trading card created in the size of a playing card- it is decorated in any manner with any subject- google the word and you will see how fun and pretty they are)- anyway~ I found swap-bot.  It's a cool online conglomeration of people and groups that host swaps of various kinds.  I found an ATC group, but I also found some more interesting things. (If you want to trade ATCs with me- the skelly ones- my email address is kathrynaodell@gmail.com~ Alphabetsy, I didn't want to muddle your blog with this reply and I didn't see where I could email you directly.  We could exchange addresses and set a date for the time they should be mailed out)

I found a group that swaps zentangles.  The link will show you what it is.  funny thing is, I've been creating zentangles on my notes or notebook all through school without realizing that they are an art form:

Then I found a group for dotee dolls.  I've made these before too! except without the requisite tail.  I thought these would be cool to make and trade, and maybe even drop off in random places for the Toy Society.

from here

Which then caused me to add a few blogs to my must read list.  I swear, I'll be on all day if I keep adding more.  My mom had to do the same with the blog Kitchen Witch after looking at the nummy tomato and peach salad recipe.

Then today, I was reading through all the blogs I subscribe too- and this one caught my eye: Go out beneath the naked Night posted an item about these cute frogs- you have to check it out!

thats a real full grown frog!

Finally, Mrs. B at Confessions of a pagan Soccer mom is starting to take applications for giveaways, guest bloggers, and haunted blogs for her 31 days of Halloween.  So I will be changing my background for halloween and hopefully participating in her 31 days.

I need to know how to add a link to a badge like this when I post it on the side of my page- does blogspot allow for that?

Other than that, I worked a bit more on the skellys, I met up with my kids for a nice dinner in an airconditioned restuarant, I realized I can never spell restaurant, I started my holiday gifts, and I made plans to hit the fabric store before too long for a few bits of halloween fabric.  No, I didn't work on the quilt yet. Someday~ I have a year after marriage to send a gift, don't I? lol.  Today I'll be making applesauce and lemon chess pie.

TTYL! K

I'm entertaining myself

Summer is almost over.  Thank Goodness.  I have been sleeping in later every day, and unable to go to sleep at night without a darn sleeping pill because I slept in so late.  But the pills make me groggy, so I sleep in again.  I need a reason to wake up early- so I am very glad work will be starting soon.  I need a life ;)

I have been busy though.  Though autumn is not yet in the air, I know that Halloween and Dia De Los Muertos are both creeping closer- I know because of the little countdown thingy right there ->
So I am making ATCs of "Skelly heads" as Lyn calls them.  I like that word; skelly.  Calaveras they are also called.  I've been playing with watercolor pencils and colored pencils. 

Anyone else do ATCs that wants to trade?  I might have to find an ATC trading blog.  or you all will be getting these as Halloween cards.

I've got more in the works:

Then after those, I have to play with the Holiday Gift idea I was thinking about, start a quilt I cut out months ago, and make some toys for an upcoming set of twins from my best friend's family as well as to drop off for unsuspecting people to find.

ABC Wednesday- F in yiddish

I just had a semi revelation whilst looking up my words for the week for ABC WEDNESDAY.  This revelation fits nicely into my tirade on prop 8 (gay marriage).  You wondering what it is?  Ok- here's the first yiddish word for F:

FAYGALA: A male homosexual. (literally, little bird.)   do you think this is where the term Fag comes from?  That maybe it's not a derogatory term? I've met some male homosexuals who would love to be thought a little bird :)

FERCOCKT: All fucked up.  

FERDRAYT: Dizzy, confused.
FARPITZS: All dressed up.
FERMISHT: All shook up, as in an acute disturbance.
FERSHLUGINA: Beaten up, messed up, no good.
FERSHTAY?: Do you understand.
FERSHTINKINER: A stinker, a louse.  MY favorite! I've gotta start using this daily!
FERTUMMELT: Befuddled, confused

The faygala was farpitz in his beautiful outfit, but I am sure the fershtinkiner was fermisht that the outfit included a garter belt and covered very little.

Orbs

NotHannah at Divining Women  talked about her orb experience today.  She even has some pretty freaky pictures.  Fairly, she ended with a sceptics' note that the orbs could be pollen or water- but I believe sometimes orbs are actually orbs.  Bundles of energy.  I know, because I have seen them. Twice.

My first experience was shortly after my son died.  I was alone in the bedroom, sleep crying or something.  I felt a peaceful presence around me and noticed my bedroom wall was lit up with silhouettes of people on it. I realized later that these were relatives like my uncle.  Anyway- next to my bed was an orb and a little bouncy hyper orb.  I knew my son was coming to comfort me, and it appeared that he brought the chihuahua puppy with him.  (This chihuahua sensed Tobin's cancer.  She lay on his tummy where the cancer was and would not leave his side.  Shortly after, she was found dead on the floor of his bedroom, on his blanket. sad). The orb left through the wall and the silhouettes closed up.

My second experience was at my best friend's fifth child's baptism.  Her son, Nate, was born shortly after both grandpas died.  I have a blurry picture that you can see some sort of orb in the background, but the orbs showed up wayyyy better while I was taking the pictures. There are two. They showed up when the families got together to take family photos, and not any in other pictures as though dust was floating around.

Oddly enough, this is the same family that I went with to talk to John Edward (psychic, not politician) and Dad talked to us (as well as my son).  They also have odd happenings occasionally at emotional gatherings.  At a funeral of an old family friend, I looked up and saw that only one fan in the church was turnng.  These fans are all turned on together- ceiling fans.  The one fan that was turning was above our heads.  I mentioned this to my friend, and she laughed and told me that at the viewing she had said "I wish Dad were here" and that moment a picture basically hopped off of the poster up front.  I do realize these could be coincidences, but I prefer to attribute them to dad.

TTYL! K

oh oh oh! Nydia at Bringing up Salamanders is having a give away!  She makes gorgeous goddess dolls with felt and embroidery.  But if you are not into goddesses, she also has kitties and calaveras just in time for dia de los muertos.  Her Etsy stuff is amazing.  Check her out~

Lyn at Witchblog makes the calaveras too :) Hers are bigger than Nydia's and as pretty.

It's neat to have talented friends!

Lunes Lunacy-2

OK_ even if you don't wanna grump with me, I got another one for you (wink- no hard feelings there).  I'm gonna complain about this even though I know, in the past, I've been the culprit.

In the evenings, I try to take my step-dogger for a walk.  She's a husky malamute.  She's a medium sized dog, pretty, sort of well behaved.   I say sort of because she is a bit territorial.  If anything fuzzy comes into her backyard, it is bound to be EATEN.  She's got a good head on her shoulders, she knows who is boss.  Between her and I, I am boss.  Between her and a young male husky down the street, he is boss.  Between her and yippy chihuahua, she is boss.  She knows it. 
She was out in the desert with her father once.  This was before me.  A young annoying chihuahua kept coming over to her tent and yipping at her aggressively.  Her tent- the one she was sitting innocently in and trying to take a much needed nap.  The other dog wouldn't shut up.  He was getting closer, he was in her territory.  He was a.n.n.o.y.i.n.g.  So, she snatched him up in her jaws and ran out to the desert with him.  Seriously.  No, she didn't eat him or kill him.  She didn't have time to.  My long legged boyfriend ran after her.  The dog was shaken but uninjured.  The dog sort of deserved it.

Look at those teeth.

Anyhow- My grump for today.  We never let the dog off her leash when she is not in her home or backyard.  She is sent to the backyard when we open the garage.  We know her tendencies.  Even if she listens to her family when we tell her to sit or say no, we still know she is a dog and works on natural urges.

When I walk her, almost everytime I walk her, I have to deal with other people's dogs.  "Oh- don't worry- she's friendly", the dog's parents say.  "Yeah", I retort, "but my dog might eat her". I laugh. 

I know, I know- I used to let my pretty other dog Ellie out without a leash.  She'd calmly shadow me throughout the day and I felt no need to leash her if I was just going to the garage to do laundry.  She was a good dog after all.  But I sort of learned my lesson the day my good dog took off down the street to make friends with someone else's not so good dog.  The not so good dog just snarled luckily, because while trying to catch Ellie, I tweaked my tendon in my ankle and couldn't move because it had swollen to basketball size! Luckily, Ellie knew she was not the dominant one, ever, and showed her belly.

My stepdogger, Noli, is a different story.  Someday, when your sweet innocent dog comes to make friends annoyingly, your dog might not realize that Noli is boss.  And Noli will show her who is boss.  I'm not saying Noli is violent or aggressive.  She isn't.  I'd let a baby ride her.  She is just an alpha female.  And she might not take too kindly to annoying dogs trying to make friends with her. 

She hasn't hurt anyone so far.  She whines and makes friendly noises every night when the neighbors unleashed dogs bound out of the house to make friends with her.  I'm not making friendly noises in my head.  I can't control a dog fight.  I'd rather avoid the chance of one altogether.  I can barely walk around the block with my still healing broken leg.  Can't you just keep your dog locked up?  I know yours is friendly.  Mine is too (most of the time).  But I'd still rather not take any chances.  OKAY?

I missed ABC Wednesday

I figured I could make up a bit for my absence by posting yiddish E words today.

Again- I seem to like to pick ones you can use negatively :)

Ech- is a groan.  You probably already sorta use this word- don't you? The trashbag fell apart again- ech. (eck)

EiEi- used like Oh! It reminds me of my mexican friend's jajaja.  Sounds fun to say.

eingeshpahrt- stubborn.  I have been accused of being eingeshpahrt occasionally, but I don't think I am.

enschultig meir- Excuse me! it can be used without the sarcasm, but what good is that?

and here's a nice illustration for our last word- the water you see came from snow.  It's so cold it burns the skin. The word is Eizel, meaning fool- these boys may be eizels , but I love them (they jumped off a bridge into the cold cold water on their own accord)

Why I Blog

Aunt Becky asked us to blog about why we blog- and gave some very good advice to bloggers out there (be authentic). So, I'm gonna hop on Aunt Becky's wagon train (I hope there's no cholera) and talk about why I blog- which is strangely linked to my mommy's blog the other day.

I started this blog because I have voices in my head.  Yeah- you've already heard about the muses, and they talk a lot.  I also seem to write letters in my head constantly.  I write about things that peeve me- about things I want to do- about things I love.  Sometimes I actually write these things down on facebook or as a letter to the editor.  Sometimes, much to the chagrin of those around me, I speak about these things.  I also love a debate- bring it on! and find myself debating things far into the night.  I write debates instead of sleeping.  I'm pretty good at it.

I like that others have something to say- that's why I read blogs.  I also like that others comment on my blog.  I didn't think it would matter (but I am secretly sad that no one wanted to gripe with me, except my mommy out of duty :))

So, what you get here is the real authentic me- the me who thinks she is crazy- the me who goes through mood swings- the me who believes things you may not.  I say it like I feel it, I try not to be rude and pushy, though sometimes I may read that way.  I respect that others don't agree with me, but I also maintain my right to think the way I do, and to voice my opinion.  In the US, it's written in indelible ink- the freedom of speech.  (I was on a board on facebook where we were suppose to openly dicuss religion- but had to drop them when they censored me because I tried to support the right for others to view Wicca in two ways (one is initiatory and handed down via Gardner's followers- the other is a mishmash of what we know outside a traditional coven and is self dedicatory)).  I have my own view about that (I think it is initiatory much like the secret societies of old)- but I support others who wish to think differently).

I had hoped that writing this would be good for me- as a way to self explore, a way to get creative juices bubbling again - it has been both good and bubble making.  I feel better after I express myself, I think it helps me learn about my thinking and feeling process, and I have been painting more this last few months and have ideas for my next two projects already spinning in my head.  I woke up the muses!

(old art- 2005ish)

I also hoped that this would be a way for others to understand me.  I don't know if it helps.  I also don't think that those people I wish really knew me, those that don't already really know me but think they do, read this as often as they should.  I mean, I am giving people and insight to what I want and need- it's practically a manual to me- and don't men always say that women should come with instructions? Here they are!

There are some things I don't talk about- I am sure if they start gnawing at me more, I will (I never mentioned why I was so upset at boyfriend- see?  I can keep some things private) (for a moment).  and I don't want to make this blog about one facet of me.(I have blogs I read that are solely about being a witch or soley about cooking, and it is not as exciting as blogs that are a conglomeration of thoughts).  Ya'll really don't want to hear about my gripes or about my moods every day anyway- and I don't want people patting me on the back telling me things are gonna be alright everyday either. 


I want a blog that's much like a conversation over coffee, tea, or grown-up drinks.  It, the blog or conversation, goes where it goes, naturally.  It can be about anything and everything.  Things can be personal and in hushed tones, other times we will laugh so loud the whole cafe looks at us.

so that's me- open and bared to you in a pretty blog with a bow.  Love me or leave me :)

Lunes Lunacy- Prop Hate

California had a proposition pass (prop 8) that would write into the California Constitution that marriage could only be between heterosexuals- people of the opposite sex could only marry.  They'd (the h8ers) would allow same sex couples to have a civil union- but not a marriage. A civil union, or domestic partnership affords the couple most but not all of "the same rights, protections, and benefits, and shall be subject to the same responsibilities, obligations, and duties under law..." as married spouses. This not all of includes some health care benefits, unemployment of the spouse, and confidentiality of the marriage.  The h8ers wish to keep prop 8 even though a proposition with the same wording was invalidated in 2000 as constitutionally unsound.

Why?  *H8ers think that by allowing gays to marry they will be redefining marriage to the whole country. * H8ers think that we will then start teaching in the classroom that gay marriage is OK. * H8ers think that if we allow gay marriage, then next we will allow marriage to a pet (wth?). *A lot of h8ers are reading bible scriptures as back up for their arguement.

I have news for those h8ers out there-
Dear H8ers,
* Marriage has been and will continue to be redefined. Remember when a woman was property and basically given to her husband with a dowry because her parents didn't want to support her sorry butt anymore?  Remember when blacks couldn't marry because they were property of the land owners through slavery?  Remember when interracial marriage was not legal?
*As for marriage in the classroom: First of all, we have no curriculum to speak of marriage within the classroom, but marriage, like religion, politics, and sex, all come up while speaking with students.  It's our job as teachers to remain neutral somewhat.  I've peppered some comments with my own world views- but solely with the "I believe, but you don't have to" type of attitude.
second of all, I've already broached the subject of gays- yep- I live in freaking California, some of my students might have two mommies or two daddies.  I hate when kids use the word gay as a derogatory term, and have discussed this often.  My talking about gays did not turn your kids gay, nor did it make them want to marry someone of the same sex just to do it.  Same thing as my discussing that I do not celebrate Christmas, and I celebrate Yule did not turn your kids into a pagan or witch.  Nor do they go about yelling "Happy Yule".- But they are more aware now that your narrow minded view of the world is not the only view.  OMG! Yes, we corrupted your children, maybe they'll even think for themselves. YOU can teach them at home what you think, but it will not prepare them for the real world if you limit their access to information. You can tell them that YOU think it's not OK, I don;t have to.  If You want a teacher to back YOU up, get your kids out of public school- send them to a church school, where the teachers will back up your h8 and you can pay them lots of money.
* How does loving someone enough to marry them delineate to marrying a pet?  You know gays are not all pedophiles or beastophiles, right?  You know they are nice normal people who have a friend, lover, mate that they wish to spend the rest of their lives with- much like you and your spouse.  We all love our pets, but we all know that it's not that kind of love.  duh.
*Keep your religious text out of the arguement. Seriously.  You don't want me to debate this with you.  I am excellent at debate.  OH?  you do? You keep throwing in the scripture about homosexuality being bad- okkkay.
First- we don't all subscribe to your religion (we being humans, and Californians).  We don't all believe your book is true.  Should I read parts of The Hobbit to you to back up my arguement? Same difference.  Or maybe I should read "The charge of the Goddess" (Wiccan tenets)- because people I know believe in that religious scripture, so it must be true like you are saying your bible is.
Second of all, remember  the clause "separation of church and state"?  remember how the church isn't in power anymore?  Remember how the americas were infiltrated by English people and grew into the America we have today because of unruly church power? 
Third and just for fun- do you even follow your bible?  all of it, I mean- You can't just pick and choose the scriptures you want to use in an arguement.

~God says that you can't eat shrimp-
Deuteronomy 14:9-10 says: 9 These ye shall eat of all that are in the waters: all that have fins and scales shall ye eat:
10 And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you.

~ God said you couldn't have premarital sex

~Have you ever protected your husband when others were bothering him?  You shouldn't have!  Now you lose a hand
""When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her." (Deuteronomy 25:11-12)

~Did people visit you after giving birth?  Ack!  Now those people are unclean because of you!
"Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean." (Leviticus 12:2)

"But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days." (Leviticus 12:5)

~Have you killed me yet? What?  You have to! It's in the bible
"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. Whoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death. He that sacrificeth unto any god, save to the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed." (Exodus 22:18-20)

~Are you a Christian woman who speaks to her husband as if you actually have an opinion? uh oh-
Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression." (I Timothy 2:11-14)


OK- I know, I am being surly.  I will shut up about the bible now.  For the record,  I don't hate Christians- I was one once, and a lot of my friends still are.  They find the religion fits them.  But let me also tell you- they are not those Christians who take everything literally, they can find the message they are supposed to have learned through the teachings of Jesus without condemning others and judging everyone.
Plus- it's my personal gripe day- so let me be surly.
TTYL!
i'm gonna try to linkytool this now!

Say Hello to my little friend

I went to Walmart yesterday.  I asked Boyfriend's Dad if he wanted anything while I was there.  He answered "a redhead"- he was so lucky Walmart didn't sell fuzzy animals.

I tried to name him Salmon

But he told me that his name is Ollie.

Isn't he Lovely?  I've never seen a Betta this color before.

Lunacy

I'm gonna start a Monday meme thingy.  I signed up with Linkytools so hopefully I can work it out.  Monday- I'm thinking Lunes Lunacy- I plan to gripe about something.  You can gripe too.  Then link yourself on my linky thingy.  So I don't have to gripe about anything alone.  We will get it out on Monday and then the rest of the week we are free to be happy-go-lucky.
Warning- I plan to gripe about prop.8- California's proposition that stops gays from marrying.  I call it prop.hate. (h8). So, you might not agree with me- but I'm gonna say it anyway.

TTYL, K

Bluest eyes I have ever seen.......

For writer's workshop at Mamas Losin It- she gave us a blue eyes prompt.  How could I not do this prompt?  Have you seen my family's eyes?
Here's my Brother and then my Brother and me.

Our eyes came from this lady- MY Mommy.  She had her share of boyfriends because of these eyes (and her winning personality and wit)

These eyes came all the way from Norway.  Our Maternal Grandfather's family came from Norway and set up a farm in one of the Dakotas- The height of Brother and Kids came from "them Vikings" too.  I ended up with the German Hips and shortness.  (I blame it on my Maternal Grandma- I'll have to post pics of us another day)

Here's youngest- Yeah, ignore the mustache- but it's one of the few pics that you can really see her eyes.  They are almost mint colored- but still in the blue family.

Here's the middle- I've posted this pic and the story about Tobin before- He has famous blue eyes that have stolen the hearts of many.

Here's the oldest- His eyes are going towards hazel like his father's eyes.  But still slightly blue & gorgeous.

Daughter and Middle Son again- blurry because they are photos of photos :)

But you can't dismiss the eyes!

apparently,

I stole this guy's (Boyfriend) heart in highschool because of the eyes.

***They are magic ***

YouwannaPlaywithme? Huh?YES?

Add another point to the YES list.  You know, the list that I mentally write to see if I am weird and perhaps crazy.  My sad is followed by hyper.  It might be coincidental.  It might be hormonal.  It might be the new moon.  who knows.
But not last night but the night before I couldn't sleep.  Seriously, I did not fall into slumber until 4:30 am.  I went to bed at 10 pm.  I lay there 6 and a half hours with my muses screaming in my head.  I have more than one I am sure.  One must be a hyper five year old boy.  All he wants to do is color and paint and cut and glue.  He, kindly enough, planned my Holiday gifts for me though.  Yep.  He yelled in my head for hours- "what if we do this?" and I am like, "um, noooo- not everyone will like that"  and he's like, "or this?" and I'm thinking "that's a possibility"  and we worked together til we ironed down a plan for mass produced homemade holiday gifts that I can individualize.
The other muse must be hungry.  She wants corn fritters, shrimp, and zuchini.  I didn't feel like going to the store yesterday, so she is still whining about the food.  She was planning my shrimp all night.  "Should we fry it?", I'm like "No, it's not good for you"- she's thinking, "can we garlic and saute it?" and I'm saying "No, boyfriend's dad does not like garlic".  So we agreed we should marinate it in some citrusy thing and then maybe BBQ it.  I was saying we should have rice pilaf with it, but she was throwing a tantrum about corn fritters.  I agreed.  Then, she was whining about zuchini- so luckily, The Kitchen Witch posted a recipe today about sexified zuchini- it's a recipe, get your mind out of the gutter.
A third muse is sorta quiet- but gnawing.  He's the one that collects things I wanna do.  I think this muse is a gay man.  He really likes to look at wedding blogs and pretty house blogs.  He loves tea parties and shabby chic. I am not sure if it is him, or my five year old muse that enjoys blogs like The Kathryn Wheel. (As you can see, I am so hyper, every blog I read today inspired me).  He, my gay muse, has decided that I want to get involved in uplifting projects.  He pulled out a woman's day article about operationalbeautiful.com.  The article has post it notes with nice things written on them, apparently, you can stick post it notes in public places to send positive messages to strangers.  My gay muse and I both love this idea.  Also, he wants to do a project with toys : The Toy Society.  This is where (apparently he and I) make a toy, and leave it somewhere to be found and taken home by strangers.  Coolio, huh?

Well, That's fitting- I think I have 3 muses.  LOL

(wait- there are nine in Greek mythology- and they are all gorgeous chicks.)

so, hyper old me read through blogs prior to posting- and now I have to share.  Seriously, (that's my word lately)- I am not the kind of girl who forwards emails and crud- If I mention it, it should be worth a few moments of yours!
This one, Sprite's Keeper, is so sweet- if you are a parent, you have to read it.
AND, Ramblings of a Domestic Goddess posted about a profound zen moment of hers.  Go read it, come back and tell me what I should name my whiney, crybaby, pain in the butt, partypooper self.
Finally, Mama Kat posted the most awesome lip-sync I have ever ever ever seen.  This woman is amazing, and all my muses loved it.

OKAY- I am off to creat- presents, dinner, and apparently things to give away to strangers.  anyone want to join me?

D is for nothing good!

Yeah! ABC WEDNESDAY!
and it's still yiddish time.

I couldn't find any positive references when looking up Yiddish D's.  The most popular D is the word Dreck.  As in "This sandwich is dreck, you expect me to pay for it?" or
"You didn't wipe up your mess- your work ethic is Dreck"
or "I fell like dreck this morning"

Dreck=$h!t, by the way.

another D that jumped out at me is Dybbuk.  There was a movie I saw about a dybbuk- some weird blue eyed dead twin dybbuk. 
A Dybbuk is a malvolent spirit of a dead person who is forced to wander for eternity being tortured.  So, the spirit will usually try to steal a living person's body to escape.  I think many cultures have this.  I have an acquaintence that leaves milk in her kitchen cupboard to appease a kitchen dybbuk.

This is what I think a Dybbuk might look like- it's a painting by Anthony Clarkson

Another D word is Dumkop- This has got to be of German origin- because someone once told me the only two German words I thought I knew and this was one of them.  Meaning Dumb head- or something of the sort.  the other word was shitzkop. we won't go into that.

and a nice saying to end this bit:

Der oylam is a goylam= the world is stupid.

BTW- thanks for the kindness- I'm feeling human now :)

I wasn't really gone, I was hermiting.

*

I hermit occasionally.  It's usually not good hermiting either.  It's usually a moody spiral of depression and feel sorry for myself. 

This hermit week started off all wrong.  Pms, a change from my mom's to actually being back home, and a boyfriend who is going through his own crap were all against me.  I seriously wonder if I have pmdd or if I am bipolar.  These moods can consume me.  I vented to boyfriend about something remotely stupid because I was crabby.  I even wrote at then end of the vent "I'm probably moody but this is bothering me".  Boyfriend took it wrong.  Boyfriend was already dealing with too many work issues and an unfounded lawsuit- moody girlfriend just pushed him over the edge.

It started with a little tiff.   Boyfriend came home and tried to "fix" things by yelling at his father.  My landlord, basically.  This didn't help anybody.  I stayed in bed the next day because that's what I do as a hermit. 

Then the next night escalated into a big tiff.  Some not so nice things were said. Stupid stuff was dredged up from the swamp of boyfriend's psyche.  I was left reeling.  Like "What the heck just happened?"

The thing is, boyfriend is never like this.  Boyfriend is patient and sweet.  He does stupid stuff that hurts me and makes me mad, but not intentionally.  He NEVER says things intentionally that will hurt.  He did.  I'm dumbfounded.

I really like boyfriend.  Some people feel I need to get out and be on my own.  Yeah, maybe I do- I can picture the cute little trailer home and lots of fuzzy animals.  But I REALLY like boyfriend.  How do you detach these feelings to go off and be by yourself?  Why would I do that?  I don't think it's the time for that.  Sure, if I got a nice job offer and knew things would be moving up for me, I'd move states-( I'd still keep the idea that boyfriend would join me someday in my head though) but just to pack up and go to find me?  I am trying to find me here. Yeah- It might not be right, but it is the truth.

And I did a bit this week, find myself, that is.  While hermiting.  I actually confused myself more though.  Am I the only 38 year old woman in this world who is this confused about who she is and how to handle emotions? 

I have issues.  My mom is holding her head in her hands now wondering why I am spitting this out to the public and thinking of ways to tell me that I am OK and she loves me.  But I have issues.  And when boyfriend says not so nice stuff, or Ex husband, or whatever mean man is around , I react like this:

* whoa- I have to keep my head on and retort to protect myself

*retort is usually levelheaded and filled with facts (I was a great debater)

*retort pisses meanie off- so I shut up

*fight ends eventually

I lay crying and then hermit.  I think- I can't love or trust this person anymore.  My heart is broken.  Then I think I am short changing myself because I enjoy loving this person.  But love means heartbreak.  am I willing to risk heartbreak?  Then I tell myself I am an idiot and most people can get over fights like this instead of fixating on them.  I try.  I can't.  He said something that stuck and it's festering. 

I should run away.  That won't help because I really like him.  I love him.  This is a normal fight and a normal issue that I am blowing up.  He kindly calls me sensitive. That's a nice way of putting it.  I call myself crazy.  Thus the name of the blog.

I should just get over it.  Put on a happy face and pretend it never happened.  Except it is festering. See the issue?  and now I pour this out into public for why?  Maybe if I read it again in public I'll jar myself into sanity.  Maybe I'll learn something about myself.  Maybe I'll be embarrassed and delete the post in a week- who knows. You probably didn't understand it anyway.  But now you know why I went missing for a few days. I'm still pmsing- and haven't finished my coffee.

C is for....words to insult by

Yay! ABC WEDNESDAY again! If you haven't joined- try it today!

I'm still going with Yiddish words. The Ch is usually pronounded as a "k". This week the first one you definitely know-
CHUTZPA- gall or nerve-
Chiam Yankel (pronounced ki-yam yonkle)- any tom dick or harry- sometimes a fool
Chazzer- a pig- like a piggish person
Chaleriah- ( kal-air-ee-a) bossy mean woman (bitch)
Chalushes- nasueated, nausea

"They sure have a lot of chutzpa! Any Chiam yankel can see that the chazzer and his bride, the chaleriah, deserve each other.  It's enough to make me Chalushes"

*