I view the people around me as people I have earned. I need them as they have been assigned as family or friends, or as a lesson. I just freaking wonder why I keep getting stuck with passive aggressive a-holes. They always seem to be in an authority position in my life. Is it because authoritative people tend to be passive aggressive -holes, or have I not learned a lesson and the Gods feel a need to punish me by keep thrusting me back into this spot? this spot:subservient to P.a.a-holes.?
Why am I going off? I just got chastised in a half-a$$ed way by someone I didn't deserve to get it from. He announced how he just did dishes- to his son. I had just made dinner and left one dish, the dish the meat was in. Why the announcement? He opened the fridge door at such a speed that the butter flew out. The butter door was left open (my bad) but I had opened numerous times and nothing happened. I was so surprised that I exclaimed "wow- you must have opened that fast" and thus I deserve to be punished with negativity for the rest of the evening. Nevermind that I was the one who cooked dinner, packed away all the decor, and vacuumed. Nevermind that I did all the dishes besides the one pan. That I rarely rock the boat. That I am a calm and rational person~ until I have to deal with passive aggressive for a long period of time.
I realized how different this household is from my own. My mommy and brother rarely put anyone down. Sure they see weaknesses, but they don't berate the person for them, they accept them as part of the person. My mommy and brother don't try to own anyone, steal the spotlight, or be the boss, My mommy speaks highly of her kids, my bro and I speak highly of each other. negativity has no space in our life.
Not here. It's part of the air. I wonder how I was placed here. Boyfriend is not the main feeder of negativity, and if he does- he does not do it with intent or malice. but his father ooozes it from his veins. His family acts so different from my own. What am I to learn from this? don't tell me patience- I know that and all it got me was stepped on. What else am I to learn from this?
I thought it was understanding. I try to understand when he shuts my door even though I am sweating. I try to understand when he saves everything because he is from the depression. I try to understand when he turns my tv on or off, my channel when I am in the potty, or my light brighter or darker for no reason~ but they only thing I can come up with is control, and I can't understand what I would learn from another another controlling relationship.
Help me understand.
BTW_ I got my first Holiday card from the netherlands!!!! It is soooo cute and the stamps I will save! I'll save the whole darn thing! Thanks MARA!!!!