Thursday, December 30, 2010
A hint of things to come..........
What leaves a negative feeling in my bones is how he communicates. He is not a happy man. He feels he has been wronged. I'm a listening ear. But- he bad mouthed my mom to me! My mom- the woman who never said a negative thing about him- the woman I respect and revere. He said mean things about her. Mean things, that even if they were true, would not matter to me. When he sent the gift a few winters ago, my kids sent him a thank you note- they did not refer to him as grandpa, they do not know him as grandpa- and he was mad. BUT, if you ask him what their names or birthdays are, he couldn't tell you without looking it up. He even asked why he sent me money on my son's death day- he was looking through his check register and couldn't remember what that money was for.
Anyway, this post is not a "feel sorry for me- he's done me wrong" post. because he hasn't. Even though we don't have a relationship now, he picked the best mother for me that anyone could have. He taught me about sailing. He introduced to me to things I would never have known about. He could be a really cool man to know- if he just didn't say mean things about my mom- if he just didn't expect too much out of a relationship just because he helped conceive me.
So, The reason I am blabbing all this- is because when I speak of him, I don't know what to call him. Dad doesn't fit. Sperm donor is unnecessarily cruel. I'll call him my birth father. Since this digression is sooo long. I think I'll finish this post tomorrow. I had something else to say but I wrote forever on this subject!