Monday, November 1, 2010

Random and Lunacy!

First Random- then I'll Lunacy. 

I think I am turning off anonymous.  I really wanted to make commenting the easiest it could possibly be.  I didn't do passwords and I left anonymous open.  However- People have been abusing that.  I have been lucky enough that blogger has a nice spam filter and gets the longwinded weird spam that is posted.  But, yesterday, under my pictures post (you know, the one that was just pictures- a bunch of them?) a spammer posted "nice post, but don't you think pictures would help your blog more?" then gave me some weird name.  That was posted by two weird names in two places.  What dolts!

I like the red hair too, thanks.  It's not gonna last long.  I have only washed it once and you can already see the blonde peering out.  It is permanent hair color, but evidently, nothing is permanent.

I drew twelve tarot cards yesterday- one for each month of this year (Hallowe'en marks the pagan New Year, so don't think I am monthly or holiday challenged).  It looks like a lot of the same crap if I don't figure myself out- which is part of today's gripe/lunacy.  One month really cracked me up.  Apparently, in July, I'll have rest and respite.  Duh- I do every July- that's when I visit my mommy and daddy and brudder.

OK- today's gripe.  Some of you know it yourselves.  Or you see it in others- that ever lurking broom closet! I thought I lived out of the broom closet.  I felt I did.  Until last night.  Story behind the story: boyfriend's dad went to baptist bible school.  He was gonna be a preacher.  He raised his kids with church and the Christian God.  In fact, I used to go to church with boyfriend and his dad when we were teens.  Current background:  Boyfriend knows my religious choices.  He cringed a bit when he found out, but that was because his last girlfriend was a wiccan and she left some bad memories. (she also was born in october and had red hair).  I haven't fully "come out"  to bf's dad yet- he should know- he's asked me if I believed in witchcraft and I said yes, he knows I love ghost and witch shows, I wore the darn witch hat around the house all week- but I don't know if he really really knows. Substory:  Boyfriend's sister suddenly decided to homeschool her 16 year old daughter.  She claims it is so she can give her daughter a good Christian basis in her education.

whole story:  Last night, sister and her daughter came over to give out candy and visit.  I asked sister how homeschooling was going.  She mentioned she was enjoying it and daughter really like that they were discussing other religions.  ("oh- cool" I thought) Sister goes on to say how good this was so that daughter can see how the other religions were wrong (not exact wording- I forgot wording).  I don't remember whole conversation- we ended up comparing Bible stories- Song of Solomon always cracks me up (My sister has no breasts, what shall I do when she is spoken for?).  I commented on how the Bible was picked from a bunch of books written by man and edited by man.  Some books were left out.  She said something about the ones that were left out were inaccurate (as far as I am concerned anything written by man is inaccurate and biased). She whipped out her phone and showed me the bible on it.  I joked that her god told her not to eat shrimp (somewhere in Deuteronomy) and she paused "what?  He's not your God?"  I switched subjects.

why?  To respect the boyfriend who most likely does not want me to out myself?  I think he asked at one time that I not out myself. But..wait.. That does not respect me, or who I am.  That is me being untrue to myself.  That is uncool.  How'd I get back in the broom closet? I've been out in school, at work (if asked), and to family and friends for quite a while.  When did I get stuck back in?  and why?

that's it- that's my ramble.  I know for my own good that I need to own who I am.  and I am not happy with last night.  I am not happy that I felt the need to avoid the question.  I am not happy that I did avoid the question.

How would you like to be asked, or feel the need to (being asked is actually a moot point anyway), deny who you are to others?  Would you like to claim that you are not a Catholic, or a Baptist, or a Pagan in order to fit in?  Would you like to pretend that you are a republican even though you are a democrat?  Or a boy if you are a girl?  Would you like to be dumped onto an island of gays and have to pretend you are even if you are straight?  Then why to we expect others to deny who they are, or to pretend they are something they are not?

ttyl K

8 comments:

Lyn said...

As I don't really have any immediate family it's not an issue for me most of the time.

I did have a panic attack when my cousin, who I haven't seen in years, wanted to add me to Facebook. I wanted to run and hide in the closet - had to give myself a stern talking to about that lol.

You've posed some really tough questions. I don't have the answers but I do know I really don't like myself when I try to fit in.

SuziCate said...

Kat you are a beautiful person inside and out, no matter "who" you are. I don't know the answers for your situation, but I think you do. Big questions...what will make you happy? What other ways does it affect you?

AlphaBetsy said...

I know where you are coming from and personally I feel that someone who cares about you should never make you hide such an important piece of yourself. It's like you pointed out, would you have to hide if you were Catholic or Baptist, probably not. Being someone who always sees both sides though one can also argue that your beliefs are a little more controversial than either of those. Nevertheless I feel like you should be able to be you no matter what, and a person's religion is an important piece of that.I hope you can work things out and find a balance of some sort. :)

Carol said...

But were you really hiding who you are, or simply avoiding a confrontation that would have, in all probability, resolved absolutely nothing but would surely have added a great deal of tension to the moment? It is not necessarily denying yourself or your beliefs to simply avoid a discussion. There are those battles that cannot be won, you know.

Hey! I can no longer choose my url as my identity?

Carol said...

Oh yeah, and I love your header!

Mara said...

My mum was raised a protestant Christian and whenever she would go back home to see her parents, she would go to her old church as well. Until one day the collections of that day were going to be spent on 'converting the Catholic Christians'. She never went back there!

I am sometimes asked whether I go to church by a bunch of 'bible belt' 'we're the only good ones' Christian children. And I will tell them no, and I work on Sunday and I don't pray and I don't read the bible. They are almost in shock then, but I refuse to say I am just to please their little children's hearts!

LyndaB said...

I don't think changing the subject is necessarily hiding who you are - if words have power (and they do), then practicing some measure of discretion about how they're used is respectful of who you are and what your truth is. It sounds like she isn't exactly ready to hear you (but your 'your god' comment has cracked open that door later) - and a light social event with her child is maybe not the time. That said, I don't think it was the time for her blithe religious assumptions, either.

I tend to be out but not in-your-face. If you come to my home, you're likely to know something's up, but I will keep it sort of middling, for the sake of my teenaged daughter who doesn't want to have That Talk to all of her friends.

If this still bothers you and feels wrong in a couple days, and your relationship with her is close enough that you're going to be struggling with this a lot, maybe you should pick a time to explain this to her, agree to answer questions she might have and make a mutual commitment not to try to convert each other. ;) (yes, you win, since witches aren't trying in the first place to convert)

Linda in New Mexico said...

Changing the subject is not denying who you are. It was as you said out of respect for your boyfriend. I am getting kinda crazy with all the pressure to "come out of the broom closet" stuff. I live my life authentically, at least I hope I do....but I don't go out of my way to put a pentacle in lights on the top of my house so that I can make me and mine targets.
Am I wrong......? well I imagine some would say so but for me what I do works for me and I would say that is how we should all view each other....what works for you is fine by me, cuz I like you the way you are.....btw, love the red hair. The Olde Bagg, Linda