Sunday, November 14, 2010

I'm reposting

Here's what I wrote in my notes on facebook 2 years ago (well, one year 10 months) but close enough. I thought it would be interesting to review each year what I want out of life and see if anything changes.

I've had a lot of time to think about what I really want out of life, and even though I might not have my philosophy fully ironed out- Im getting it down for posterity's sake:

I want the same thing we all strive for and need since birth: affection, admiration, respect, acceptance.

I want to be the person someone looks forward coming home to, the person someone can't wait to see or talk to. To be adored. I want a friendly pat on the back, a touch on the arm, a big, full, long bear hug. I want a slap on the butt as I walk by, a stolen kiss on the neck, a meaningful touch, to hold hands. I want to make love as an expression of emotion. I want a stranger to smile at me because we share the same human experience.

I want to be the kind of person a child can look up to, to be a hero in someone's eyes. I want others to see my work and appreciate it. I want to make a meaningful impact on the world that serves as an example to others. I want someone to occasionally think, "wow, I'd like to be like her".

I want people to try to understand my position on things even if they don't agree. I want to be thought of as an informed educated person whose thoughts are valuable. I want what I say or think to be taken with some weight rather than dismissed. I want to be thought of as a person who deserves a good place in life because I have earned it by my actions. I want to be a beneficial member of society. I want my job to make a difference. I want to contribute good things to life on this planet.

I want people to love my idiosyncrasies. I want people to stop pointing out what they consider a fault of mine, and to instead embrace it because that is part of who I am. I try my hardest not to make mistakes, or create havoc, or hurt others- and if I do act like an idiot someday, I want people to realize that it was a momentary lapse in judgment, or a decision I made with thought, not an evil plan to destroy those I love. I am not going to single out my own faults, I am sure you each have your opinion on what they are- but they are ever-changing and subjective.

I want people to know I adore them, and to never doubt that. I try to express this daily to those I love and appreciate (sometimes with words, sometimes with affection). I want those close to me to know that I respect their opinion and want to understand their position on things- I want them to educate me, to widen my horizon, not just validate my stance. I want friends who feel bad about their preconceived faults to know that’s part of what I love about them.  I also want people to know I value their strengths.

Current:  I really like that I wanted immaterial things!  And I want the same things years later, I think this is the core of me, what I strive for.  I like it, I like me.
I can add a few material things now- I'd like to be in a stable marriage.  I realized I like being married- I just need that marriage to have what I need (basically the whole thing I wrote years ago).  I want a little house or trailer to live in.  I want a garden.  ( I think I wrote this part on my blog not long ago-) I want to brew beer, make wine, I want to make stuff like lotion and amulets with my own herbs.  I want to make homemade food like fruit roll-ups and spaghetti sauce. I want to be remembered as a warm giving person.
I've realized for a while I tried to be thought of as other stuff- mostly dealing with body issues- like the pretty one, or the hot chick- but I laugh everytime I try to take a picture with a sexy expression on my face.  That's not me.  and I'm not gonna try to conform to fit into that mold- it just just work.
I'm a friend, a girlfriend, a mom, an artist, a teacher, a caretaker, a goofball, a nerd.  I like flowy clothes, ballet slippers and heels, short quirky hair, painted walls, my scooter, flavored coffee, food, friends, family.  I want my (future) home to be somewhere people can come enjoy themselves- let the kids run around, take off their shoes, eat, laugh, feel free to say whatever they want.  I want me to fit into that environment- a person who enjoys herself, takes off her shoes, lets her metaphorical hair down, eats, laughs, hangs with friends, etc...
as a side note- a few years ago I decided that I was going to say yes to invitations from friends.  I was going to ride the rollercoasters at the amusement park, I was going to try new foods.  It was a year of yesses, and it was a good one.  I am working on that again.  I'm going to spend less time on this couch.  I need to get out there and live.  Especially when so much of life is actually free (like friends and family).
To punctuate that, I also decided I'm going to go with some urges.  I'm going to buy some clothes I love that fit (not only from the second hand store where I have been buying them- and when I get money).  I am going to buy some holiday gifts and not stress about it.  I might even go out on Black friday- with Tricia- though that'll be a little hard for me since it is crowds and early morning hours.  And I cut my hair off.  I love the red, I'm keeping it.  I hated the length, which is probably short to you all, but had lots of unhealthy hair and weight to it.  I like short and spunky.  (Boyfriend might not love it- but I do).  Maybe I'll get that tattoo I've been pining for- maybe I'll bake a cake for no reason at all- you never know!  This year I am focusing on loving what I have, and changing what I want, and having a good life full of love and laughter.  If I put out happiness, happiness is attracted to me- and we all need more happiness in the air!


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Your hair looks great, and love those funky glasses!

Mara said...

Last year I did a retrospective about 2009 and everything that happened to me. To my surprise I realised I had had a crappy month of March, but couldn't remember it in December. It's a really good idea to occasionally go back and look at what you've written. It puts things in perspective again.

I like that you are such an immaterial person and care more about people than things.

Petal said...

Its super to see you doing what you want, no matter what. I totally dig that!

Barb said...

I like this looking back and taking stock, K. More of us should do it. You're young and I'm old, but I also love flowing skirts, funky hair, and hugs. your line: "I want a stranger to smile at me because we share the same human experience." Can you see I'm smiling at you?

Her Mom said...

I'm not a strager, but I'm smiling too. I think it's good to write down your feelings, thoughts, wants and dislikes. I think it's good to look back at them to see if you're still there, moved on, getting closer, loving it all. Or most of it. Sometimes we think we're being selfish by doing for ourselves,but we need to do that - if we're happy with ourselves, life is better and happiness is contagious.

AlphaBetsy said...

I think you have some really good ideas about what you want and a healthy outlook. I need to start getting out into the world more too, so I may take on your say yes philosophy myself. I'm wishing you lots of happiness and fulfillment in the coming year. :)

Lyn said...

I love this post K and I think the short hair suits you!

SuziCate said...

You are a wonderful person! Here's sending you a great big virtual bear hug, and as a teacher you will be a hero to many people throughout the are an excellent teacher. Your compassion shines through!

LisaF said...

Here's an early New Year's wish for 2011...may it be a wonderful year of insight and personal epiphanies for you and the rest of us!