Most days I love myself. I stopped watching stupid shows about plastic surgery because I realized they made me doubt my looks (I stopped when the woman had her labia reduced and matched up- because apparently they were different sized and it affected her sex life emotionally).
Dr.Surgeon General or whoever tells me what I am supposed to weigh doesn't love me though. I just checked my BMI. It's 27%- overweight. I'd have to lose about 20 pounds to be at 24% healthy range. Yeah- at twenty pounds (about a stone and a half) weight loss I'd be 150 pounds- thats 11 stones about. That's a decent weight for me- but not an easy one for me to keep. I've been about 170 forever now. There are months or even years I lose weight and get to 140. Then creep up again. I lost weight with phentermine and got a gall stone in 1996 and hit 97 pounds before gall stone surgery. It took a while to creep up from there but I was a vegetarian and not drinking alcohol then. I lost weight again a few times after that. I did this prior to starting my BA college- so that was 2006 ish, then again in 2007 and right after my separation from the EX I dropped a lot of weight- that was almost 2 years ago, so I have creeped back up. I'm not bad- here's pictures-
The boobs look better when not in a uniboob bra- and the legs are longer when the picture isn't taken at an odd angle- but that's me. Lumps and all. Not perfection- but not bad. I think I get my figure from my grandma in her early days, and my paternal Nanna who wasn't a small lady- I do not have my mom's tall lean figure and excellent eating habits.
I think with a little makeup and the proper accoutraments, we could both look like supermodels of yesterday:
See? check out grandma-
I bought an extremely cute bathing suit similar to these I plan to wear this weekend- I'll see if I can get pictures.
Anyway? what's my gripe? I'm not complaining about the BMI Index- it might be very accurate at determining health. I might be overweight a tad. whatever. I do have to complain about people, and some of those people are in my life, who mix up weight with health- there's a correlation, but they are not the same thing. Just like working out vigorously is not a direct correlation to health (think Florence Joyner- runner who died of a heart attack). I do agree with moderate excercise for the mind and body- but I maintain stress is a bigger killer than being a bit chunky. And stress is caused by lots of things- including having a need to be perfect or reaching some unattainable goal of perfection, so don't force your body image issues on me. I also think stress reduction can take the form of a good relaxing dinner with wine. So I don't plan on limiting that too much.
Here is my monday gripe:
This woman hosts a show called "Thintervention". I can almost guarentee that her body fat index is way below the healthy 18%. And she's now in charge of making fat people healthy? Or is it making fat people skinny? remember: Skiiny does not equal healthy. Say that with me: Skinny does not equal healthy. I realize that 72 million americans are OBESE. That's 31% of our population here.
And I realize that these women are endangering their health. But there is a big difference between them and me. And I'm betting there is a big difference between food choices and exercise. I can't imagine being this weight- but their weight still DOES NOT DEFINE THEM.
Did you know that in the US 300,000 women a year get a boob job? 7% of them have Body dysmorphic disorder and will never be happy with themselves- (Heidi whats'ername?). It's about $5000 for a boobjob- I can sure think of a few trips that would be more fullfilling than fat in my bra and a good time for boyfriend.
8 million Americans have an eating disorder. 7 million of them are women. Why is that? why is the cosmetic surgey business booming? why do we allow images in the media to dictate what we feel is perfection? I'm trying to break that cycle- I argue with boyfriend about this, but I just don't think he gets it- neither does boyfriend's dad (who add bacon grease to the greenbeans then comments on my butt size). Just shut up about my weight and health. I am a big girl. I got it handled, whether I choose to battle the weight or not. I have already bettered my eating habits- that's what I deem important. ah- I digress-
this is not perfection:
Out of these women, which ones are more attractive?
We buy thats craptastic magazine with issues about celebrity body fat because we are all secretly thrilled the battle the same issue we have- and people still think them beautiful. See how lumpy my thighs are? Craptastic magazine would tsktsk me- those thighs are lumpy at 100 pounds too people- though thighs have excess skin that sags. Whatever. Those thighs carry me from point a to point b. They are soft enough to snuggle in. They fill out a skirt. I'm not pulling them up and hemming them like some old fabric to please you. Deal with it. I have and I have decided that I love myself and like myself this way- jiggles, bumps, and all.