Thursday, July 8, 2010

I wish I would have...

Mama's Losin' it has a thursday meme for us all.  She challenges us with a few writing prompts and tells us to go to it.  I was gonna do "bucket list"  but chose instead to go with the "I wish I would have" prompt.  Though, I will tweak it a bit since I am not going to write about one mistake or lack of  action.  When I think of "I wish I would have"  it's more convoluted.

I wish I would have>>>
had more time in college.  I know I took about 5 years to get my AA, but that's because I was taking only a few classes a semester. I had kids to taxi and dinners to make.  But I was an at-home mom then, and I wish I had squeezed another art, art history, and religion class into my schedule.  I find I am better at creating when I am given a task in art class.  I want to learn how to watercolor.  My favorite teacher was a man who taught Magic, witchcraft, and religion.  I know I could go back.  I just finished up my Master's.  I am tired of college and it's costs.  Maybe if I take art classes forever I won't have to pay my student loan.

spent more time playing with my son Tobin.  When he was in the hospital, he wanted to go to the playroom.  Uncle Geppy took him there all the time.  I was more interested in snuggling with him or just breathing- I didn't take him to the playroom a lot.  I don't know why.  I think I got wrapped up in my survival as an in-hospital mom.  I did love the rocking chair and coloring.  I just didn't enjoy the playroom as much as he did.

been with my kids the last two years.  I made the choice to leave the family home after 17 years of marriage.  I missed a lot in the last two years.  Sure, I see them, but not every day.  I don't hear as many tidbits about their lives, they don't come crying to me any longer.  Their dad is the apple of their eyes.  I'm just mom- though I think I have always been just mom.  I see traits like responsibility and filial loyalty that have grown because I left, and I appreciate that, but the guilt and sadness I feel for leaving sucks.

stood up more to the Ex early in the marriage.  I needed a pair of cohones.  I needed to know myself so I could voice what I needed and wanted. I didn't.

taken my kitty with me.  I know the dog here would have eaten her though.  My kitty left the kids' house and I don't know where she is.  I miss her too. (she's older than the picture).

eaten that chocolate cake when I was on a diet as a teenager.  I dieted way too much as a teenager.

OK- I have other things in my life some people might consider a changeable circumstance, but each change would alter life, wouldn't it?  And each change would change me too- and who knows whether that life or that me would be a happier or better person.  Maybe someday I'll blog about what I wouldn't change!

4 comments:

Lyn said...

K, this post is so open and heartbreaking in places. I was going to write about this today and I chickened out - too hard.

Hugs from across the pond

Lyn

Imagination Cakes said...

Omg K. You have brought tears to my eyes. But what you say is true. Though in life we look back and say, "I should have done this different and that different." who's to say that those things would put you in a different position now. You are a truly strong person. Don't ever forget that. I look up to you as a mother and friend.

K(Banterings of a Basketcase) said...

Thanks- to both of you. Yeah, Lyn, I sort of took the easy way out though- I didn't have to focus too long on one thing. Luckily, I have plenty I feel I have done right to keep me in a positive mood :)

Larry said...

diet in high school- holy crap you sure didn't need to do that.
less bleach, yea but diet, not that I remember.
Thanks for sharing.