Friday, May 14, 2010

I figured out what I'm doing wrong!

I went with the Ex yesterday to a doctor's appointment, then lunch, then a pedicure, then pick up my meds.  It was a great day.  I love pedicures, and my poor feet sure needed attention. I also like that I can read magazines for free during my pedicure.
So I picked up one that shall remain nameless, but it apparently was written for cosmopolitan women, and read it.  I actually read 3 of that magazine.  Every issue has the same advice on how to please your man in bed.  Really? Do I need to read this every month?  What?  You think I forget between issues?
One issue had a quiz.  This quiz is supposed to pinpoint if you have let yourself go, or if you have become to comfortable in your relationship, and therefore (gasp) are in danger of losing your man.  The questions were like "do you still shave your legs every day?" " have you asked him to pop a hard to reach pimple?" "do you brush your hair and apply a bit of makeup even if you are spending the day at home?"- or something imbecilically similar to those. 
Gawsh! Thanks! NOW I know what went wrong in my 17 year marriage.  I must have forgotten to shave my legs daily.  Or I didn't wake up and apply makeup before he awoke. Jeesh

Isn't a long term relationship about getting comfortable?  Don't you wanna be with someone who loves and adores you even though you might occasionally get a blemish or become hairy?  Do I also get marked down as a bad partner because I have gained a few pounds and my boobs are saggier than when I was twenty?  When I am reallllllly old- like 105- and might need a diaper change, is my man going to leave me then?
They didn't have a male version of the quiz either- "does your man fart in bed?" "does he no longer apply cologne?" " does he wear his ratty t-shirts to go our with you instead of dressing up?"- so I guess it is solely up to the women of the relationships to keep them going!
I really have to find better reading material.  Someone recommended some fun books written by Terry Pratchet- maybe I'll brings those next time I get my toes done.
Until then, I'll shave my legs because I hate when they are hairy and itchy.  I'll put makeup on only when I damn well please, and I'll thank the Gods that I have people who love me even if I have have a pimple or a bit of a gut.
*Tried bigger text to see if it is better
*That is a picture of me, this past summer, from behind a shower curtain, sans makeup, and I was TOLD to make a funny face.


Anonymous said...

I probably haven't read a Cosmo in like fifteen years...same quizzes from way back when. I wonder if they recycle them year to year?! You had me laughing with the hairy legs and pimples and the mens fart...yep, it's all real life, down and dirty but real!

Carol said...

Now that you know it's entirely up to the woman to maintain the relationship, you'll be fine for the rest of your life. Yep, I detected a bit of one-sidedness in those quizzes - probably why I stopped reading those magazines years ago!