Friday, May 28, 2010

Big Fat Buttinskys

The kids and Ex and I went to lunch the other day.  (Lemme interject here- give you some background- the Ex is a big guy, he knows it, whatever.  I am an "average sized american female- I know I have a butt and a bit of belly pooch- whatever.  The lunch we ate was a late lunch, we hadn't had breakfast either and Ex probably wouldn't eat dinner, so)  Ex ordered for all of us.  4 combos.  I had mine with a gyro and extra crispy fries- mmmmm.  Diet coke because I haven't had one in weeks.  Double mmmmm.  Then he added 2 tacos on the side.  He didn't state who the two tacos were for (we have a 17 year old son, I would've assumed they were for him).  The order-taker-guy looked at Ex and said "that's a lot of food!".  You know what he was implying.
This happens all the time.  Ex said that a fellow person waiting for jury duty did the same thing to him - saying "if you only lost 30 pounds....".  I have people around me who feel the need to comment on what I eat too.  The other day I had only a small piece of steak and half of a baked potato and half a peice of corn on the cob.  So a few hours later I wanted sweet.  I chose a banana with a teaspoon of peanut butter and a drizzle of chocolate.  This is a sound snack! Even though people around me got on my case about not eating healthy- this was a healthy snack: a fruit, protein to fill me up, and fat free sauce that would take care of my sweet tooth!  Well meaning people who think they know what they are talking about (and even if they do) feel the need to regulate other people.  That's wrong.
Do you think Ex is in the dark about his weight? Why do you assume that he is not trying to lose any?  Isn't it his choice to lose or not?
Do you assume I am not educated about what I eat? I took food and nutrition classes in college!  I was a diet counselor! It is my choice what to put in my mouth, and quite frankly, my choices are not bad choices.
Does Ex tell you how you should have financed your car?  Do I look over your shoulder and correct your spelling?  Do I stop smokers and tell them they are killing themselves?  Do I harass stressed about people by informing them that stress will kill them?  Did Ex tell nurse lady that if she only wore brown eyeliner instead of black, her face would look much younger?
Why do people feel they need to regulate others?  Friends, lovers, spouses maybe do it because they care- and they worry- I understand that.  But strangers?  WTH?
During our 17 year marriage, Ex and I never said a word to each other about weight.  We supported one another through various diets (kind of*). Weight was just not a factor in our relationship because we cared about the other person emotionally and that surpasses physical.  And yes, even when we went through heavy periods, it didn't change that we had the hots for each other. 
I liked that security.  It made me feel like I owned my own body.  No one had the right to decide for me what I should weigh.  I bounced up and down about 30 pounds (not counting the 100 plus I gained while pregnant with the first kid).  I primarily stayed between 140-170 depending on schedule and mood.  I like myself at 140-150.  I can accept myself up to 170.  I was in charge though- I chose how I wanted to eat without someone else on my back saying " I thought you wanted to avoid carbs..." "do you really need one more beer?". I'm struggling now with being in charge though- I don't cook because this is not my house, so foods I'd normally choose like veggies are an afterthought- and the cast deters exercise.
Wow- a bit of a tangent there, ha?  The post was about how people feel that they have the right to butt into a person's life regarding weight.  They sometimes butt in with other stuff like parenting in a grocery store, but weight seems like open season all the time.  I know you're judging me while I am eating icecream- how do you know I didn't count calories all day long and get extra time on the treadmill to be able to enjoy this?  Are fat people supposed to only eat celery?
Why do people feel it is based on intake only?  All bodies are different.  I know lots of skinny people.  I know quite a few who stay that way through starvation (been there, done that, no thanks, I'd rather be fat). I know a few who are skinny because they eat the proper amount of food primarily because food doesn't really interest them much (Mom).  I know a few skinnybutts who eat everything in sight and still don't gain a pound (grrrr).  Fat people are the same way- some overeat, some undereat, some eat just right.

Point of this post?  Stop judging! Stop telling strangers what they should do.  It's none of your business. and "assuming makes an ass out of u and me".


K(Banterings of a Basketcase) said...

* forgot to add to the kind of- It's hard to deny yourself when a spouse is dieting. So, if Ex wanted icecream, he'd go get it while I was dieting- but I had the choice to not get one, or to pick a healthier version of icecream. A lot of the time, he'd go to a bakery that had great cake and really good coffee. The kids could get cake, and we could get a diet friendly non-fat latte with sugar free syrup.

Her Mom said...

I didn't say a word! You gotta live where you feel comfortable, in your beliefs, in your habits, in your eating style.
And then there's those that feel so much better if they can put you down lower than they are.
But we love you as you are!

Larry said...

I do not recall you asking me to re-print my picture, lol. I love your blog posts, they are so right on sometimes.

K(Banterings of a Basketcase) said...

How long did you have to stand for that guy to chisel you out of marble? Man, you are brave! LOL

suzicate said...

Well, I had this lovely long rant agreeing with you and telling everyone to leave me alone about my lack of exercise, my flabbiness, and eating what I want...and it disappeared! So, therefore, I will just say the I love the picture of the statute and LOVE your post. Thanks for ranting for me today!

Larry said...

a long, long time and as you can see it was very cold but I was fed well.

K(Banterings of a Basketcase) said...