Sunday, May 16, 2010

Bad TV Shows- Wedding crap

Ok.  I admit it.  I gave up wedding blogs, but I still watch crappy wedding TV.  I don't know why.  I just can't help it. The particular show I am about to grump about is after "Say Yes to the Dress", and although I won't name the show, I'll tell you that it has 4 brides comparing each other's 4 weddings.

First, they introduce you to four brides.  They each get a cute moniker next to their name like, say, "traditional bride" or "rock and roll bride".  Then, three of them go as a group to each other's wedding and rate the whole experience on a one to ten scale.  Then, so they don't try to win by underscoring the other's weddings, they have to rate the three weddings they attended on a first, second, and third place scale for venue, dress, and food.

Sounds OK?  Sounds fair? Yeahhh.  The bride who wins gets a free honeymoon.  Only, they have completely different tastes, completely different types of friends, and hugely different budgets.

So, the first wedding they go to is "breakfast bride"'s.  She has everyone get up at crack of dawn to go to a rooftop and have breakfast.  The buffet is first, then the ceremony.  The bride wears a pretty white dress to great everyone and gets ooohs and ahhs from the 3 brides.  Then she changes into a turquoise dress for the actual nuptials, which are outside, in full hot sun.
Bitch Traditional bride grumps about the food- "I don't like eggs, I don't like french toast, wah wah wah".  Beach bride grumps that there isn't mimosas.  Other bride doesn't like how hot the ceremony is.  They all agree the dress is OK- however untraditional, because the turquoise was to honor breakfast bride's mom.

I'm not gonna review all the weddings- I'm just gonna say that bitch Traditional bride grumped at every single one of them- made faces everytime she took a bite- hated if the wedding timing was different than hers- you know: wedding, reception( cocktails, dinner, dancing, cake cutting, garter, father's dance, etc etc etc crap).  Traditional bride actually said- this is a freaking quote "If it has worked for THOUSANDS of years, why change it"!!!!! Really?  Like more than 2010 years ago they got married like that?  At the beginning of the common era they wore white dresses and allowed a woman to turn into a monster when she became a bride? 
OK- and I am just saying, some of these traditions should be researched prior to going along with them: because women were treated a lot differently thousands of years ago.  The cake feeding is a promise to wait on the groom and his family- I don't really want to promise that.  Nor do I like when grooms destroy their bride's faces with sugar frosting.

ANYWAY- back to the subject at hand.  Some of the brides were kind to the others, saying things like "it's a neat way to do the wedding" or "the venue was gorgeous".  But there is always that one- the one who makes faces with every bite she takes.  The one who abhors anything untraditional.  Grumping about how the other brides did things differently. Other brides also grumped about the other guests- what?  Bride on trial has to school her guests on how to make friends with three judgemental girls who don't quite fit in? (this bride had older, quieter, gentle people as her guests as opposed to party whores who hate chicken).
More questions: All brides are supposed to pay $70 a plate like traditional bride did? What about Ghetto bride who'd rather eat fried chicken (MMMMMM) than poached salmon? (I'm using the term Ghetto in a "Ghetto fabulous" kind of way).  What about church bride who doesn't want her boobs pushed up over her dress? should she still wear the strapless number traditional bride wore?  What about recovering alcoholic bride?  Does she HAVE to have a champagne toast?
I always thought weddings were about gathering all the people you love together to celebrate a union between two people who want to dedicate their lives to each other.  I thought the food, decor, and music should represent the couple and maybe even their close friends.  Not stranger brides who attend their wedding.  Ghetto bride should have fried chicken.  Mexican bride should get down to the mariachi.  German bride has every right to do the chicken dance.  Everyone should have the chicken dance (except stuffy traditional bride). 
Weddings should never be about keeping up the Jones Bride, or going into debt.
Anyhoo- the show ends with one bride winning a honeymoon.  Since there are no points for originality or if the wedding truly represented the couple, basically the person who spent the most money on venue, food, and booze wins.  The one who looks great in her dress also gets some good points.
and that, my friends, is crap TV.

3 comments:

SuziCate said...

I've never seen this. I watch very little reality tv, some American Idol, but that's about it. I get annoyed with reality tv shows because usually there are some really bitchy and judgemental people on them. I guess it sell, but seriously, I don't want any of them in my life. I'm all for honesty and tact, but some of them think they are always right and everyones is is wrong. Thanks for sharing this. I didn't even know shows like this existed. I must live in a bubble! Or maybe I should just watch more tv than just Grey's Anatomy...yeah, I know I dread to think all my doctors are sneaking off to the janitors closet or supply room for sex while I could be lying on a gurney dying!!!!!!

Her Mom said...

Love it! I'm with you on what weddings should be (maybe it's in the genes?). And I'm with SuziCate on reality shows. I watch BridZilla once - that's a scary show! If that's reality, I want no part of it.

Lyn said...

We have this show in England and it sounds like the UK brides are exactly the same as over the pond! I can't believe some of the people but if you sell your soul, I mean wedding, to the media you're probably not the most balanced in the first place. Still, I can't help but peek in from time to time.